Part 1 of My Life Updates: 2024

It has been too long since I have posted an update on my blog. Part of it is because I didn't think anybody really read my blog and my life got even busier. Plus, I post most updates on my personal social accounts to keep loved ones informed while spreading awareness. 

Please comment, share your story if you're comfortable, show me you're interested in reading what I have to offer and I will continue to post shorter (than this post) updates more frequently!

But here I am, back again and glad I am using this outlet at least once more before I get extremely busy again. Although I haven't been posting on here, doesn't mean I haven't been working on pieces of writing--most very short with one extremely long one that I started a year and a half ago. 

As I was writing this I realize how much has happened since my last post. I did my best to summarize but I am a storyteller and love expressing myself through journaling and blogging, it is a form of healing for me. So I decided to make this update a two part update. I can't make any promises when Part 2 of My Life Updates: 2025 So Far... will be coming out but I am hoping it is before September! 

Here are my 2024 life updates and milestones since my last post: 

My 2024 started off really well! I went to Arizona to visit family with my mom and two younger brothers. It was my first time visiting Arizona, and first/last time visiting my grandparents place since they sold it the following year. I am so happy I was able to visit them at their place in AZ at least once. 

My mom, brothers, and I took a few days during out trip to spend in the stunning Sedona, AZ. On our last day in Sedona, my brothers and I peaked Bell Rock. I wasn't sure if I was going to go on the hike to Bell Rock in the first  place. However, I decided to push myself and manage the consequential flare up later--it was totally worth it. I used my cane for support. As I was hiking, I was dizzy, out of breath, shaky, weak, with tachycardia my entire way up. I took my time as my brothers surpassed me, but they waited for me at the top. When I made it, I immediately took my beta blocker, drank some water, and enjoyed the view with my brothers. My brothers expressed how proud they were of me and said they weren't sure I was going to be able to make it. I felt the same way and felt seen/heard by them. We got some amazing photos, as you'll see below! I nearly passed out on the way back to my grandparent's place--still worth it! That high was just the restoration of spirit I needed! I carried that euphoric feeling with me for a while and still try to find it! Can't wait to visit Sedona again!

After my trip I returned to my work as a Children's Mental Health Case Manager for a non-profit and to my generalist internship working with families in the Ramsey and Hennepin County communities by offering them resources, parent education, harm reduction, and support. I then began my Spring semester of my second year of my Master's in Social Work program.

As April approached, I took the time to cope ahead as best I could. There are a lot of trauma anniversaries for me in April and I was going with the approach of "let yourself feel emotions without shame, give yourself grace." I tried and succeeded for the most part, however April was more challenging than I anticipated. I lost my insurance since the COVID extension with the state ended. I had to apply for insurance through work and that wouldn't begin coverage until May. So, I didn't have insurance for the entire month of April. I was struggling to find balance with managing my POTs symptoms, working full time, going to classes on the weekend, keeping up with assignments, and getting my internship hours in. During the first week in April, I had a horrible flare up and nearly fainted causing me to lose my balance and fall, injuring my right hand, elbow, and wrist. 

Thinking I had only sprained it and have sprained my wrists before, I splinted my right wrist in a brace, tried to ice it when I could, and took Epsom salt baths nightly to help. It got better until it got worse. The first flare up hurt so much more than the initial injury, it was awful. I started splinting it again as needed which was pretty constant during the summer of 2024. I finally went to see a doctor and they thought I pinched a nerve in my wrist and ordered an MRI. 

Over the spring and summer, I noticed more issues with my IV saline infusions and them being a bit counter productive with getting a few clots, dealing with pain that seemed to get worse causing muscle spasms and cramps in my back and tension in my shoulders, neck, and chest. My blood pressure was more constantly on the higher side so the infusions seem to only increase my already high blood pressure, hence it being counter productive.

In the midst of all that I was able to successfully finish my generalist MSW internship and Spring and Summer semester of my second year. Making me at the half point of grad school! So proud of myself for making it through a very hard time mentally, emotionally, and physically while able to serve the community.

Our family cat of 13 years, Trixie died at the end of July in 2024. That being the first major pet loss I had experienced. Trixie was the first cat that was ever in mine and my family's life. It hurt deeply to lose her--she was very sweet, sassy, independent, graceful, and silly.

My depression and anxiety get triggered by various things like being isolated in general but especially when my POTs flares up. Having to take care of myself when having flare ups prevents me from enjoying being with friends, attending events, being active, etc. Reaching chronic illness fatigue which is being tired and burnt out with having to constantly manage unexpected and debilitating symptoms--it feels like I can't move forward sometimes and like I won't ever be able to find balance. Having a death or grief spirals or shame spirals come up in life can put me into a depression sometimes, or at least bring me deeper into the depression depending on many factors. Lastly, sometimes trauma triggers have me spiraling deeper into a depression. I am sure there are triggers I am not thinking of right now.

Depression and anxiety was at an all time high (or low depending on how you look at it) in summer of 2024. Summer heat causes flare ups which causes more social isolation and feeling chronically ill. I was reaching chronic illness fatigue and dealing with an injury and not feeling like I could finish my education. Finishing my internship and second semester of grad school felt impossible. My depression continued to spiral and I wanted to kill myself with getting back into that mindset of having those intrusive negative and self-destructive thoughts increase in intensity was hell! I made it through though as I always do! I am extremely proud of myself and learning from my past all the time as well as doing my best to improve the present and future. 

Photo below is me on my 28th birthday trying to find some joy!

At the end of summer, I continued to have port/cath pain, more frequent muscle spasms in my back, and infusions continued to seem unhelpful, so after 3.5 years of having a port/cath for IV saline infusions--I decided it was time to get the port/cath removed. 

My surgery was in middle of October. It went well and I am grateful for the support of my mom, friends, family, coworkers, and supervisors. I feel like I am still recovery with pain and muscle tension but no more frequent muscle spasms and cramps. I still have pain where my port/cath were sitting. I have an indent in my chest where my scar is which are still healing. I have moments of moderate pain where it used to sit. I am so glad it is out!

A few days after surgery, my family and I learned that a young family member died. My beautiful second cousin who was months away from turning 30. I drove nearly three hours to attend her wake and funeral a week after surgery, which was obviously an emotional time for everyone that loved her. For me, is was especially difficult on my body with living with POTs while also recovering from surgery, traveling, and not getting much sleep. That entire weekend I was entirely emotionally and physically fatigued. I am glad I was able to pay my respects at her funeral. 

Attending a 29 year old's funeral as a 28 year old with consistent months of severe depression and suicidal thoughts was a devastating and humbling eye opener for me. I encourage all my readers to see a therapist if you are not already for any reason but especially if you are having thoughts of suicide. Get help, you are worthy!

Throughout the year I was able to spend time and making good memories with friends and family, but with how busy I was in 2024. It was very annoyingly difficult to find the time--make time for the people you love! We truly don't know how long we have on this earth!

With a ton of highs and lows, I somehow made it to the end of 2024. During the entire last week of 2024, I was extremely sick with a lung infection, isolated, and watching Penny Dreadful for the first time.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of My Life Updates: 2025 So Far... 

Take care!