As one does at the beginning of every new year, I have been reflecting on 2021 and looking into what 2022 may bring. I journaled: goodbye 2021, hello 2022. A few days later, I found out I was exposed to three positive COVID cases. Then I was put in quarantine and waited the five days to test--it came back negative! Not a great way to start an already rough year dealing with residual depression and anxiety from the holidays and Betty White’s death.
While journaling I made two lists: what happened in 2021 and what may come in 2022, here is a mild version of that:
What happened for me in 2021, included a lot of change:
-left old job and got two new jobs
-started a new treatment--IV infusions and got a port/cath surgically placed
-started individual and group DBT therapy--difficult but helpful
-got new roommates
-Lost both primary and cardiologist doctors
-My cat, Mia getting sick for the first time and having to take care of her
-made new friends
-got my heart monitor removed after having it for almost 3 years
-turned 25, a quarter of a century…
What may come in 2022, includes a lot of change:
-finding two new doctors that I can trust and know what POTs is--this won’t be easy
-graduating from DBT in the fall!
-starting Augsburg’s MSW program in the fall!
-focusing on overall well being and self care
-breathing life into the person I want to be
In group therapy, we recently talked about change and embracing it. It is much easier said than done and is one of many DBT skills I will be working on this year. In group, we follow DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets written by the wonderful Marsha Linehan. Her work can only be described as something that should be taught in every K-12 school to every single person teaching growing and emotional young humans how to have better control over their emotional and mental health--or just plain overall well-being. If I had known half of these DBT skills while growing up, I would probably be a more emotionally intelligent being with some better mental health management.
Linehan says in her DBT Skills book, “Change is the only constant. Meaning and truth evolve over time. Each moment is new; reality itself changes with each moment.”
What a slap in the face! This book says “allow it and embrace it!” Sometimes life does not give us a chance to embrace it because we feel swallowed whole by it. We have to find ways to cope with the horrors this world can bring--like COVID. I know we are all sick of hearing about COVID and going into our third year with this virus is terrifying but I feel grateful for having survived this pandemic given the millions that have not.
We can practice these dialectical skills about change by “practicing radical acceptance of change when rules, circumstances, people, and relationships change in ways you don’t like.” You don’t have to like it, to accept it. Like my brother Taylor talking about shaving off his beautiful golden lion locks. If he goes through with it, I don’t have to like it and I will have to accept it. It will grow back, right…
We can also “practice getting used to change: make small changes to practice this.” Or as my therapist says we should focus on, “What’s the next best decision?” Focusing on the present and on what to do next. This is so beyond true and having some “radical acceptance” with this in mind can be helpful in many tough situations in life.
Linehan says, “Change is transactional. What we do influences our environment and other people in it. The environment and other people influence us.”
Just when I thought getting slapped in the face was bad…I don’t like this. This shook me. I know I have always known these things but to hear them out loud was too much. Especially after the reflection on my year, which is much longer in my journal entry than what I have written above. Journaling can really help me feel productive, get my thoughts down, and feel relieved afterward. Journaling can also make things a bit more real for me or even talking with someone helps me feel heard and seen.
We can practice transactional change by “remember(ing) that you affect your environment and your environment affects you. Pay attention to your effect on others and how they affect you. Practice letting go of blame by looking for how your own and others’ behaviors are caused by many interactions over time. Remind yourself that all things, including all behaviors, are caused.” Letting go of blame sure is not easy in certain situations. It is also sometimes difficult to understand how certain behaviors are caused and the bad ones do not always get this as an excuse either. That is why practicing DBT skills are important, to help keep you focused so you can live a better life and have a better impact on your environment.
So in 2022, I shall try to practice DBT skills to better my life and impact on my environment. I shall try my best to embrace change and breathe life into the person I want to be. I hope you can do the same.
