Navigating New Health Issues & Upcoming Surgery

A week from today, on November 26, I am having surgery to figure out what the hell is going on with my body. I have been navigating a new health issue for a while which has been emotionally and physically exhausting. My GI symptoms had gotten worse at the beginning of 2025, and I have always had issues with my periods. Then in late spring 2025, I had the worst period I have ever had--the period from hell.

That period brought me extreme GI distress, bowel pain, nausea, and severe cramps in my lower abdomen and lower back that went into my hips and down my legs. I was incredibly weak and dizzy, this period put me into a full POTS flare up as most of them do but not to this severity. Even though I was feeling completely horrible, I forced myself to go to my graduate school classes in person for a few hours. I spent most of my first class in the bathroom on the toilet feeling like my bowels were on fire and wrapped in barbed wire.

During the last hour of class, we broke into small groups and a classmate/friend of mine performed Reiki on me which was very helpful. I did not go to my second class; I went home and slept the rest of the day. What is scary about days like this, is that I am feeling so sick that I am scared to drive and have to wait for my symptoms to improve before I can hit the road. I felt trapped, and it sucked.

Since at least spring 2025, I had noticed uncomfortably constant bloating and experienced right side and lower abdomen pain that was not with my period. That pain would be dull and achy or would bring me to the floor in agony--no in between. I was getting worried something else was going on especially with how many medications (including a steroid) I am on, I thought my medications were starting to impair my kidney function. I was wrong. I'm NOT the doctor as Alanis Morrisette sings.

At the beginning of summer, I saw my primary doctor, and she was able to refer me to an OBGYN who I saw in July about severe period pain and other symptoms I was experiencing. She recommended I get an ultrasound to see if something was going on. I scheduled it and when the day came, I had a bit of a PTSD anxious reaction. Being a survivor of sexual traumas, I wasn't feeling physically, mentally, or emotionally ready for a transvaginal ultrasound. I hate how my past traumas and shame still show up in my life sometimes.

At the end of August, I received a therapeutic massage from a friend/classmate with many years of experience with somatic and body healing work. At the beginning of my session, she asked me if she could do some craniosacral therapy, which I have never done before and wasn't quite sure how it works--still not entirely sure. From my understanding, it's almost like she did a body scan or connected with what she called my "inner physician." I laid on my back, and she used her hands to cradle my head. She said that what she was about to say was going to sound weird--I am usually always up for weird. She explained that my internal physician was trying to communicate with me and I wasn't listening. She encouraged me to listen to it and that an organ(s) were speaking to me. She told me that a lower organ(s) like my kidney, liver, or ovaries have been trying to get my attention. I reminded her about the horrible period I had during one of our spring classes since she was the one practicing Reiki on me. I told her what I just explained above, and she encouraged me to listen to my body and to my inner physician. She encouraged me to reschedule the ultrasound.

I got my first ultrasound the first Friday after seeing her not just because she encouraged me but because the side pain I had been experiencing on and off all spring and summer came back and was exponentially worse and consistent.

In September, I had my very first transvaginal ultrasound which was very triggering for my body. I intentionally took the rest of the day off knowing it probably would be and glad I did. It was so uncomfortable, triggering and my nervous system was so confused and a bit in crisis. I took an epsom salt bath as soon as I got home. Afterwards, I tried to get some busy work done as a distraction until it was interrupted by getting the results from MyChart. 

The ultrasound had shown two ovarian cysts on each of my ovaries with one being nearly 5cm. With repeat ultrasound recommended 6-8 weeks later. I had such mixed feelings. I was happy to know right away a piece of this puzzle and that my experiences were validated by those results. In the past, I have not been believed, and it took me years of advocating for myself to get my POTS diagnosis. It felt very overwhelming and a form of relief. Also, I did not want to start my final year of graduate school trying to navigate a new health issue.

I won't get into the details of the shitty communication from the nurses and doctors the following week because it is upsetting. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt due to them being overworked and working within a shitty oppressive system.

I scheduled my follow up ultrasound and anxiously awaited its arrival and did a ton of research on ovarian cysts, what causes them, and other reproductive health issues. I learned a lot, and I tried not to worry about a cyst bursting or twisting my ovaries. I tried to focus on paying more attention and attuned with my body. The uncomfy constant bloating continued as well as other symptoms of right side and lower abdomen pain, intense GI distress (basically diarrhea all the time, more nausea), issues with urinating, sciatica pain radiating down my leg, even more of a lack of appetite, fatigue, etc. 

With coping and planning ahead, the second ultrasound went much better for me physically and emotionally. It helped that I knew what to expect and had the same lady do the ultrasound as before. My body was not as triggered, and my nervous system wasn't activated. This time I had to wait a few days before seeing my results which showed one cyst gone and the other over 4 times as big as before. I saw my OBGYN 5 days after the ultrasound to discuss options.

We decided to do laparoscopy surgery to see if I have endometriosis and scar tissue which would need to be removed, and to drain/remove any cysts I have. Ultrasounds do not show everything, and surgery will give my doctor access to other organs to do some investigating. I will be shocked and feel a bit defeated or hopeless if I don't have something going on other than ovarian cysts. And if I do have endometriosis, it will be another chronic health diagnosis and illness I will learn to live with and manage. I just want to know what the fuck is going on with my body. Answers help us find solutions to help us manage and function better.

My mom will take me to and from surgery and will be my support for about five or so days, I am feeling incredibly grateful for her. I will be taking at least two weeks off from work and hopefully return to work by mid-December strictly working from home having virtual meetings. 

My recovery time depends on what they find and how much they have to cut out of me. The more they have to cut out, the longer recovery time. It can be anywhere between 4-12 weeks. It is wild and difficult to navigate and prepare for that. 

Throughout November, I have been working my ass off to catch up and stay on top of work and internship tasks, as well as everyday life things. My schoolwork is the only thing that I have been putting off and has been the least of my priorities, and I am hoping to get as caught up with that as I can in the next week. My work supervisors, internship supervisor, professors, friends, some family, have all been incredible supportive which has helped me feel confident in myself for preparing for this surgery and the possible long recovery afterwards. I hope to have friends and some family check in with me and visit me during the first weeks of December to help keep me distracted, looking forward to things, and help take care of me. 

I was really hoping I didn't have to deal with all this right now, especially during the busiest part of this graduate program--and I know I will be ok with my supports and resiliency skills. 

Thank you for being here, supporting me, and I will keep y'all posted.

Part 2 of My Life Updates: 2025 So Far...

Welcome! This is Part 2 of my Life Updates to officially get caught up with what has been going on from my life experiences to my blog to spread awareness and much more!

Check out Part 1 of my Life Updates: 2024 for some context to this post! This is a continuation of some of the 2024 updates as well as new updates!

I am going to jump right into it! Thank you for coming back, I am beyond grateful for your support! Please show it by commenting and liking!

The beginning of my 2025 was polar opposite to my 2024 start. I was isolated due to becoming extremely sick with a secondary lung infection after contracting bronchitis. It took me months to fully recover since the illness caused more frequent POTs/dysautonomia flare ups. During those months, I felt very hopeless and fell into a deep depression due to the isolation and debilitating symptoms I was trying to manage. I was able to do the bare minimum by working from home and taking a lot of PTO. 

My spring semester of graduate school was well under way. I was so sick I didn't have the energy to do my first online forum posts, and I missed the second weekend of classes. By the third weekend of classes, I had flared up towards the end of class so bad I almost fell from intense presyncope/dizzy spells twice on my way out of the building. I had to catch myself. I felt incredibly weak, shaky, dizzy, fatigued, and was grateful for the disabled parking permit so my walk wasn't too far. That is when I decided to start using my cane when going to classes and on a more regular basis as needed to help manage my dynamic disability.

What someone having a severe depressive episode & living
with dynamic disability can look like...taken in 02/2025

My cane helps me so much! I have had my teal sparkly cane since 2018. I mainly used for hiking and some walks but had hardly ever used it because of my shame around using it. I had some conversations with some close friends, some family, a couple of professors, my therapist, and myself about why I think it would help. I received encouragement and ultimately told my shame to fuck off--that it doesn't matter what people think, if using a cane will help--USE IT! I still have to remind myself when that fickle bitch shame starts bubbling up. 

I got a new black cane for all occasions as a holiday gift from my mom when I told her I wanted to bring one on the study abroad trip, that I ended up not going on--I will get to that later. So, I had a slick black cane that I kept in my car and started using any time I was going to classes, doctor's appointments, and other times as needed for support.

My cane helps me pace myself, and it supports my balance, dizziness, weakness, and gives me extra support with my chronic pain flare ups too. My confidence using it grew as I used it more and more. I got much support from friends, some family, classmates, professors, etc.

Even with the extra support from the cane, I doubted my ability to finish my spring semester. That doubt had already crept in before the semester began and as it went on, it felt like I was still recovering from the lung infections and was dealing with GI flare ups constantly for two months before it started to slowly let up. My GI issues in general have exponentially gotten worse over the past few years. I was diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) in Spring 2025 with my GI issue history and having diarrhea for two months straight causing me to have more POTs flare ups due to dehydration. Which I believe led to increased weakness and cramping in my legs that I was experiencing. I wonder if my IBS symptoms are connected to another health condition, but I will get to that in my next post. 

In January 2025, I had planned and committed to go to South Africa for the MSW study abroad program. I have never been able to travel outside of the United States, and it has always been a dream of mine to study abroad, which I know I can do on my own, however, opportunities like this don't come often in life. By early Spring 2025, I had to revoke my spot for health and financial reasons. The health reasons being my updates above including not really having much PTO left to spare. 

Financially, I had to get a new (used) vehicle since my old one that I had for nearly 8 years broke down. I drive a lot for work since I meet clients in their homes all around Hennepin County, so getting a reliable vehicle was a necessity to keep myself afloat. Plus, I was moving into an apartment by myself after living with my brother and his girlfriend as roomies, so my rent and bills increased more than a few hundred dollars a month. 

Again, I felt completely and utterly defeated by the limitations of living with incredibly challenging and dynamic physical disabilities. But when I made the decision that I wasn't going on the trip--I felt relief as well. I have grieved and sobbed over not being able to go on that trip. I was able to talk with friends and a professor that went on that trip to hear their stories and live vicariously through them. I hope to travel abroad one day.

As life and the spring semester moved forward, my mental health was at its worst. I felt so defeated by my POTs limitations and restrictions to my life that I continued to doubt my ability to finish my third year of grad school. That doubt made me wonder what the point was, why continue school, why continue living if I can't even live my life? Suicidal ideation was creeping in, lingering, and fully settled into my life.

March 2025

I have had so many moments of feeling hopelessness and helplessness, like my illness has control of my life and it is so scary and valid. Living with a dynamic chronic illness is so incredibly difficult. It is the hardest thing I have had to continue to face in this short life.

There was so much to juggle in spring 2025, due to my continued right hand, wrist, and pain from my fall in April 2024, I was referred to a physical therapist that specializes in hand therapy. I saw her a few times, learned some exercises and where I learned that I do have a pinched nerve in my right wrist. She gave me some helpful advice and showed me a new brace that would help support my tendons by providing support. It has helped a lot. I continued to have pain though and didn't have time to schedule another session with her, so I messaged her. She replied with a referral to a hand specialist. I scheduled that for late summer.

May rolled around and I was able to finish my third year of grad school somehow with the support of friends, professors, classmates, etc.! You all know who you are! 

Folks were chatting about how much they were looking forward to summer which only fueled my anxiety about how I was going to manage my POTs when the heat comes around. Getting over heated causes POTs flare ups because my body can't regulate its temperature so when it gets overheated, I have to regulate it myself and even with doing that I can still get a flare up. 

The first heat wave hit in May, it was about a weeklong, maybe longer. I got overheated during a work meeting which triggered an anxiety attack at work. I felt like I needed to advocate for myself, spread awareness, and just get how I was feeling off my chest. I spoke to my supportive supervisor about what was going on and why I was anxious. My supervisor asked me if my anxiety and fears were based in reality or if I was having a trauma response. At the time, I said it was based in reality, which it was. But it was also a trauma response from the PTSD that comes with living with POTs and everything that comes with it including medical trauma. 

The next week I spoke with both of my wonderfully supportive supervisors of over two years about what happened and my reflections. I thanked them for their support, accommodations, and for helping me name my POTs, chronic health, and medical Traumas. Naming it helped me cope ahead and manage my mental health which helped me manage my physical health and vice versa throughout the summer and into fall. 

For years, I have been wanting and needing to do EMDR therapy to help me process other traumas. However, with having PTSD and anxiety about my experiences living with POTs, I decided to start EMDR to reprocess my disability trauma. I did a session over the summer and wanted to do more but didn't get around to it with the other things that came up over the summer. I think the first session went well and I hope to do at least one or two more before the end of the year.

With my hand and wrist injury still bothering me, I was referred to a hand specialist who was magnificently kind. I got x-rays done. I was told I have pinched nerves in my wrist and elbow, that I should continue wearing wrist braces as needed, and also wear an elbow brace at night and when my nerve is angry. I did not want to wear an elbow brace for a few reasons, one of them being, that I wouldn't get any sleep while wearing it. Having continued nerve pain from my fingers to my elbow and tendon pain and issues has been frustrating to say the least. I continue to try to manage that pain and continue to wear compression gloves and wrist braces. 

Overall, the summer was decent compared to the hell so many previous summers have been and a huge part of that was naming the traumas and talking about it in therapy. My depressive symptoms were relatively mild over the summer which was the best it has probably ever been. 

My 29th birthday was coming up, and I wanted to celebrate going into my final year of my 20s with how much growth and healing I have done since the beginning of my 20s! The plan was to have a staycation, avoid the heat, watch some great TV/movies, etc. with my mom. I took Monday off since it was my actual birthday to get brunch with a friend and have dinner with my brother and his girlfriend. The day my mom came up to the cities to visit me; is also the day our family cat Oliver had to be put down due to sudden and severe illness. Due to the sudden and unexpected nature of this along with the timing, I had the worst birthday, and it was the most depressed I had been all summer. I was still able to spend the weekend with my mom, and we had a relaxing weekend for the most part. I think I just emotionally numbed out my grief after all the sobbing I had done the day he died. My brother was so depressed and shocked he couldn't celebrate my birthday at all with me this year. I understand and it still hurts. 

Mom & I in August 2025

I finished out the summer by starting my clinical MSW internship orientation/trainings and having some friends stay with me on and off as they moved their adorable family to the cities. It was so healing and lovely to have them stay with me and build our bonds even stronger. I am so incredibly happy to have them close to me again--they have been my saving grace lately.

After Labor Day, I began my final year of my MSW program and got more into my internship. It has been such a wild ride, and I can't believe how far I have come with this program and how much I have learned and grown. It has been incredibly challenging to juggle working full time, getting my internship hours/experience in, attending Saturday classes, completing homework assignments, being social, and taking care of myself. 

One of my goals is to investigate and reflect more on the connection of trauma and disability, body and mind, etc. Seeing more patterns with the interconnectedness of mental and physical health is so important for growth and healing. I am hoping to understand more with researching more and learning more in school and at my internship where I have been shadowing and co-facilitating a weekly Trauma Skills group and started practicing individual outpatient therapy. 

Life is all about finding your people, making connections, enjoying life with them, and supporting them. Finding the right people in life is life changing! People living with disabilities need friends and a community of people who also live with disabilities. I hope you find your people that uplift you and support you--it improves quality of life. 

Life is so fucking difficult especially when we are learning how to live with suffering while also healing from our past traumas and chronic mental and physical illnesses. All humans suffer to some degree, and we all need to learn how to heal ourselves. Sometimes that means being a little silly, talking, processing, exploring clinical options, finding our people and building community, learning new skills and practicing them daily, adjusting your routine, finding new ways to take care of ourselves, etc. 

If you don't know where to start, start with self-compassion. find ways to empower yourself and implement self-compliments and positive self-talk. Be proud of yourself for surviving and wanting to heal. Everything takes time especially healing, growth, and rewiring our brains. Or pursue a passion, find something you are passionate about and start to find the path to reach that goal and heal yourself and learn along the way! Take care!

With hope & in loving memory of Oliver,

Shelby

Oliver & I in October 2024

Health Updates Coming Soon...

Part 1 of My Life Updates: 2024

It has been too long since I have posted an update on my blog. Part of it is because I didn't think anybody really read my blog and my life got even busier. Plus, I post most updates on my personal social accounts to keep loved ones informed while spreading awareness. 

Please comment, share your story if you're comfortable, show me you're interested in reading what I have to offer and I will continue to post shorter (than this post) updates more frequently!

But here I am, back again and glad I am using this outlet at least once more before I get extremely busy again. Although I haven't been posting on here, doesn't mean I haven't been working on pieces of writing--most very short with one extremely long one that I started a year and a half ago. 

As I was writing this I realize how much has happened since my last post. I did my best to summarize but I am a storyteller and love expressing myself through journaling and blogging, it is a form of healing for me. So I decided to make this update a two part update. I can't make any promises when Part 2 of My Life Updates: 2025 So Far... will be coming out but I am hoping it is before September! 

Here are my 2024 life updates and milestones since my last post: 

My 2024 started off really well! I went to Arizona to visit family with my mom and two younger brothers. It was my first time visiting Arizona, and first/last time visiting my grandparents place since they sold it the following year. I am so happy I was able to visit them at their place in AZ at least once. 

My mom, brothers, and I took a few days during out trip to spend in the stunning Sedona, AZ. On our last day in Sedona, my brothers and I peaked Bell Rock. I wasn't sure if I was going to go on the hike to Bell Rock in the first  place. However, I decided to push myself and manage the consequential flare up later--it was totally worth it. I used my cane for support. As I was hiking, I was dizzy, out of breath, shaky, weak, with tachycardia my entire way up. I took my time as my brothers surpassed me, but they waited for me at the top. When I made it, I immediately took my beta blocker, drank some water, and enjoyed the view with my brothers. My brothers expressed how proud they were of me and said they weren't sure I was going to be able to make it. I felt the same way and felt seen/heard by them. We got some amazing photos, as you'll see below! I nearly passed out on the way back to my grandparent's place--still worth it! That high was just the restoration of spirit I needed! I carried that euphoric feeling with me for a while and still try to find it! Can't wait to visit Sedona again!

After my trip I returned to my work as a Children's Mental Health Case Manager for a non-profit and to my generalist internship working with families in the Ramsey and Hennepin County communities by offering them resources, parent education, harm reduction, and support. I then began my Spring semester of my second year of my Master's in Social Work program.

As April approached, I took the time to cope ahead as best I could. There are a lot of trauma anniversaries for me in April and I was going with the approach of "let yourself feel emotions without shame, give yourself grace." I tried and succeeded for the most part, however April was more challenging than I anticipated. I lost my insurance since the COVID extension with the state ended. I had to apply for insurance through work and that wouldn't begin coverage until May. So, I didn't have insurance for the entire month of April. I was struggling to find balance with managing my POTs symptoms, working full time, going to classes on the weekend, keeping up with assignments, and getting my internship hours in. During the first week in April, I had a horrible flare up and nearly fainted causing me to lose my balance and fall, injuring my right hand, elbow, and wrist. 

Thinking I had only sprained it and have sprained my wrists before, I splinted my right wrist in a brace, tried to ice it when I could, and took Epsom salt baths nightly to help. It got better until it got worse. The first flare up hurt so much more than the initial injury, it was awful. I started splinting it again as needed which was pretty constant during the summer of 2024. I finally went to see a doctor and they thought I pinched a nerve in my wrist and ordered an MRI. 

Over the spring and summer, I noticed more issues with my IV saline infusions and them being a bit counter productive with getting a few clots, dealing with pain that seemed to get worse causing muscle spasms and cramps in my back and tension in my shoulders, neck, and chest. My blood pressure was more constantly on the higher side so the infusions seem to only increase my already high blood pressure, hence it being counter productive.

In the midst of all that I was able to successfully finish my generalist MSW internship and Spring and Summer semester of my second year. Making me at the half point of grad school! So proud of myself for making it through a very hard time mentally, emotionally, and physically while able to serve the community.

Our family cat of 13 years, Trixie died at the end of July in 2024. That being the first major pet loss I had experienced. Trixie was the first cat that was ever in mine and my family's life. It hurt deeply to lose her--she was very sweet, sassy, independent, graceful, and silly.

My depression and anxiety get triggered by various things like being isolated in general but especially when my POTs flares up. Having to take care of myself when having flare ups prevents me from enjoying being with friends, attending events, being active, etc. Reaching chronic illness fatigue which is being tired and burnt out with having to constantly manage unexpected and debilitating symptoms--it feels like I can't move forward sometimes and like I won't ever be able to find balance. Having a death or grief spirals or shame spirals come up in life can put me into a depression sometimes, or at least bring me deeper into the depression depending on many factors. Lastly, sometimes trauma triggers have me spiraling deeper into a depression. I am sure there are triggers I am not thinking of right now.

Depression and anxiety was at an all time high (or low depending on how you look at it) in summer of 2024. Summer heat causes flare ups which causes more social isolation and feeling chronically ill. I was reaching chronic illness fatigue and dealing with an injury and not feeling like I could finish my education. Finishing my internship and second semester of grad school felt impossible. My depression continued to spiral and I wanted to kill myself with getting back into that mindset of having those intrusive negative and self-destructive thoughts increase in intensity was hell! I made it through though as I always do! I am extremely proud of myself and learning from my past all the time as well as doing my best to improve the present and future. 

Photo below is me on my 28th birthday trying to find some joy!

At the end of summer, I continued to have port/cath pain, more frequent muscle spasms in my back, and infusions continued to seem unhelpful, so after 3.5 years of having a port/cath for IV saline infusions--I decided it was time to get the port/cath removed. 

My surgery was in middle of October. It went well and I am grateful for the support of my mom, friends, family, coworkers, and supervisors. I feel like I am still recovery with pain and muscle tension but no more frequent muscle spasms and cramps. I still have pain where my port/cath were sitting. I have an indent in my chest where my scar is which are still healing. I have moments of moderate pain where it used to sit. I am so glad it is out!

A few days after surgery, my family and I learned that a young family member died. My beautiful second cousin who was months away from turning 30. I drove nearly three hours to attend her wake and funeral a week after surgery, which was obviously an emotional time for everyone that loved her. For me, is was especially difficult on my body with living with POTs while also recovering from surgery, traveling, and not getting much sleep. That entire weekend I was entirely emotionally and physically fatigued. I am glad I was able to pay my respects at her funeral. 

Attending a 29 year old's funeral as a 28 year old with consistent months of severe depression and suicidal thoughts was a devastating and humbling eye opener for me. I encourage all my readers to see a therapist if you are not already for any reason but especially if you are having thoughts of suicide. Get help, you are worthy!

Throughout the year I was able to spend time and making good memories with friends and family, but with how busy I was in 2024. It was very annoyingly difficult to find the time--make time for the people you love! We truly don't know how long we have on this earth!

With a ton of highs and lows, I somehow made it to the end of 2024. During the entire last week of 2024, I was extremely sick with a lung infection, isolated, and watching Penny Dreadful for the first time.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of My Life Updates: 2025 So Far... 

Take care!