Summer Update

I have just realized that I have not really posted about how I have been feeling and what my symptoms have been like in a while. I have just posting sort of random stuff. I thought I would update everyone on my summer and my most recent cardiologist appointment.

I guess I will start out with how I have been feeling. Recently, I have been waking up with body tremors, weakness, and dizziness. It takes me a little longer to ready in the mornings. My apartment has no air conditioning so I think that is one of the reasons why some of my symptoms have been getting worse. The heat is not good for me at all. I have been drinking a lot of water and eating popsicles. That helps a little bit, I also try to avoid being in the apartment if I can. I go on my college campus and hang out in the nice air conditioning or I am at a friends or work.

The plus side is that I have not had an ER visit since February. But I have passed out. Like two weeks ago, after a long active weekend home, when I got back to my apartment, out of nowhere I passed out for a couple of minutes. It was strange, I didn't feel physically that bad but I think my body was just trying to tell me to slow down. I guess that is just a part of having POTs and I didn't get hurt when I fell. I actually fell on a pile of blankets that I have not been using because of the heat.

Most recently, I have been getting really bad cramps in my legs. Which is odd because I have been getting enough salt and water to stay hydrated. I have been trying to do a little exercise, work helps with that. But it is hard because of the heat and I don't have a gym that I am comfortable going to.

My most recent cardiologist appointment happened a couple of weeks ago. I met with a different cardiologist just to see what his opinions were. I didn't like him at all. He didn't try to get to know me at all. How is he supposed to treat me if he doesn't know me and how I live my life? It didn't make any sense. Instead, he just stated facts about POTs. Facts that I already knew. So, I got absolutely nothing out of that appointment. I have been thinking about going to the Mayo Clinic but I don't have the time or money to do any of that. He kept saying things that would help me get better. But you can't cure POTs. You can manage it and try to make the symptoms happen less often. He wants me to be off my medication within the next year but I don't see that happening because this next year I am going to be so busy and stressed out that I won't have the time or money to take care of myself, nor the attitude.

I guess that is enough for now. I will write some more soon.

I Need vs. I Want

I never realized how different "I want" versus "I need" is until I got to college. I am starting to "grow up" and it is terrifying. I feel a little lost and I am leaning on my mom way more than I used to. She is such a great support in my life. I am so incredibly lucky to have a mother like her.

One of the most important things that I learned is that I need to do certain things just to be able to do the things that I want to do. I need to have an education so that I can have a career to pay for things that I need to live and to pay for things that I want to have or want to do in my life. I need to go to class, I need to get a job, then I need to go to work. That way I can do certain things. I need to go grocery shopping so I can eat. I need to pay my bills so I can have an apartment and have electricity. I need to pick up my medication so I can go to school and have a job.

The thing is, people tell you how hard it is but they never actually make you truly understand how difficult it can be. You don't know that until you experience it. I am full on experiencing it and it sucks. I understand why some adults drink so much and do drugs. It is because life can be hell if you mess it up. And it doesn't take much to fuck it up. But those things need to happen. I have had and am in rough patches but I know and am confident that it will get better. I am just a very broke college girl. It will be way better once I graduate. That is another plus to graduating early, not only do I save money and time but I will be working for a law firm in about a year. Like, a really job! Not a job to just survive on but a career to live off of and enjoy. That will be the greatest reward from going to school!

Now, that I am learning all of these "life lessons" while I am in college is certainly going to actually help me while I am out of college trying to live my life to the fullest. So, thanks to everyone that has helped me get to this point. And I can't wait to thank you when I graduate college!

"I May Not Tell You" By; Cindy Kay Bremer

She explains what it is like to live with a chronic mental and physical illness perfectly.