Learning to Adapt

I was in the ER again a few days ago; on Sunday (11/1). I had another bad flare-up. I was very dehydrated which caused ten hours of tachycardia, dizziness, puking, body tremors..ect. I want to be honest. Saturday was Halloween and I was hanging out with my friends and I had a few alcoholic beverages. The only thing I regret from that night was not drinking enough water in between drinks. I am usually good at doing that but I was having so much fun that I had totally forgotten to take care of myself. It has been hard for me not to be able to do certain things that my friends do. I know you probably will not understand were I am coming from. I am not saying I like drinking all of the time. I just like doing it every once and awhile. I want to make one thing straight; I do not tell people that I was in the ER to get pity, sympathy, or attention. I don't want to get attention because I have an illness, that is the last thing I want. I tell people so they hear it from me and not someone else and so they know what is going on. With the people I did tell that I got dehydrated because I was drinking and didn't take good care of myself; I know they are disappointed in me, not happy with me,  and hope that I think it was worth it. That is fine. I know they still love me. I am not disappointed in myself at first I was a little ashamed but not anymore. I had a great friend that talked it through with me. She said, that I am still adapting and that I am still figuring out my new normal. She said, "what is happening to you is a huge change and doesn't make any sense. You have to give yourself a break and time. Just do your best." So yeah, I took those words with great meaning. Because I was being really hard on myself. I am only human. I make mistakes. Everybody needs to understand that I have only been diagnosed with this chronic illness for almost 7 months now; I don't have even close to everything figured out. I learned this week that everyday will be a day of me adapting differently to my illness and that is something I have to live with for the rest of my life because I have no choice. Last week I was binge watching (Netflix) season 2 of 'Chasing Life,' it is about a young women who was has been diagnosed with Leukemia and the show does a good job of showing how a chronic illness can change your life and the relationships you have. The main character who has Leukemia, April Carver says, "Everything changes and all you can do is adapt."