My battles...my hope

There are days when I question whether or not I can put up with my body's pain and the way it malfunctions on me. I am all alone, staring at a blinking cursor thinking to myself why do I keep fighting? And I get another pain but this time it disfigures the shape of my foot. It isn't supposed to look or feel like that. I try to "walk it off" but that just makes it worse. It won't go back to normal. Not only won't the pain go away but the disfigured foot just keeps staring back at me and I fall to the ground and sob. I sob like a fighter who has had enough. But this is just another battle. This illness is mine and only mine. I am the only person that will battle it, day-in and day-out. And when the pain finally goes away and my foot goes back to normalcy, I find myself still sobbing and still asking why? Then I remember laughter. I remember the joy of my family and friends. And the excitement of feeling so proud of my little brother and his career in wrestling and how I got to watch him win a medal. I got to see him smile that big beautiful, hopeful smile, with his medal close to his strong healthy beating heart. I have the privilege to look at my mothers elegant smile and remember the support and love that she has given me since the day I was born. Even when I am feeling so alone and frightened for the future.  I still have hope. There smiles give me hope and that is all that I need. It is hope.