In previous posts, I have talked about the decline of my legs and the possibility of getting a cane to help me walk or just stand while I'm in public. I have also explained how this cane would hopefully be temporary and that I would have to only use it as needed.
At the end of August, I ordered a fold-able sparkling turquoise cane from Amazon. I got it before Labor Day weekend because I knew it was going to be a loooong and exhausting weekend. Fortunately, I didn't have to use it over the long holiday weekend.
The days following the long weekend, I did have a few bad leg days in a row. My legs were uber weak, shaky and somewhat numb. So, when I had my ENT appointment, a couple weeks ago, I decided to use my cane because I knew it would help. And I knew that I needed to try it out in front of a bunch of strangers before I could be around family, friends or on my college campus (where I am likely to run into someone I know).
The first time I used it was to my appointment and back. And let me tell you--it is so much fun to be stared at and given looks because I am a young woman with a cane. But I don't know what else I should expect. I actually felt pretty comfortable with it. And canes are easier to use when you actually NEED it, even if I am walking like ten times slower.
The same day, I used my cane for an on-campus event at Hamline. I attended with a friend, who is also disabled, and let me tell the abled-people reading this blog--it is so nice to have friends that understand your ailments. They don't give you funny looks. Also, it was surprising when I had people opening doors and holding the elevator for me. It was surprisingly comfortable--especially when I know I would do the same thing and have done the same thing.
Since then I have just been using it as needed. Which isn't often. But I am also super stubborn as well.
Using a cane feels like something I should have started doing while I was attending Hamline but I was just too scared about what people would say. And now my only concern is when I would have to use it around family or just around people I grew up with. Those people are always the ones that judge the most. But if people ask because they don't know--I will tell them that it is none of their business or I will tell them that my legs are fucking weak. Because they are and that is the bulk of why I need to use a cane. I just dread having to explain myself to people constantly. It is such a waste of time. That is why I write. So, I don't have to keep re-explaining myself to people. Maybe, I can just tell people to read my blog and then they will know why I live the way I do.
I would like to take this moment to thank my friends with disabilities for being there for me. I really appreciate our friendship and our conversations.
What do you think?
Since then I have just been using it as needed. Which isn't often. But I am also super stubborn as well.
Using a cane feels like something I should have started doing while I was attending Hamline but I was just too scared about what people would say. And now my only concern is when I would have to use it around family or just around people I grew up with. Those people are always the ones that judge the most. But if people ask because they don't know--I will tell them that it is none of their business or I will tell them that my legs are fucking weak. Because they are and that is the bulk of why I need to use a cane. I just dread having to explain myself to people constantly. It is such a waste of time. That is why I write. So, I don't have to keep re-explaining myself to people. Maybe, I can just tell people to read my blog and then they will know why I live the way I do.
I would like to take this moment to thank my friends with disabilities for being there for me. I really appreciate our friendship and our conversations.
What do you think?
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