It's about time to say goodbye to 2023, for many of us that means reflecting on this part year's success, challenges, moments of joy and sadness, and I find the need to reflect on my resiliency and the supports in my life. Without them, I wouldn't be.
As cliche as that sounds it is true, who and where are we without others?
I know for a fact I'd be absent from this life.
So thank you if you're reading this, it means you care. And thanks to the folks that haven't read this who have supported me in other ways. You all know who you are, we have a mutual care for each other and mutual care makes the world go round.
The past couple of years I have been writing these year end reflections. I find it helpful for myself and enjoy sharing my thoughts with my loved ones.
Many amazing things have happened this past year in my life. Many challenges too. Such as life.
In the Summer I finished my first year of the graduate social work program at Augsburg with straight A's. Built up friendships and rapport with social work peers, along with building up my confidence to learn and practice again in a school environment.
This Summer I moved into a new apartment with my lil brother and we have been working on building our relationship and have been getting along for the most part. It has been a lot of fun!
This Fall I started a foundational micro social work internship at Family Wise in Minneapolis. I am learning a lot, building relationships with peers and supervisors, and building up my skills as a social worker.
Throughout the year I have spent time with family and friends! Always enjoyable and it improves my mental health to be social. With challenges of depression, anxiety, PTSD, and physical chronic illnesses I frequently find myself being isolated which impacts my overall health in negative ways.
There was a time this fall when I felt extremely isolated so much so that I started to write again. So isolated that even being around other people wasn't helpful. That feeling continues to linger but it isn't taking up my headspace like it was. During that time, I wrote about what it's like to live with chronic health condition day to day. I felt the need to write that all down as my flare ups were feeling completely unmanageable along with my feelings of hopelessness and defeat. That's when my depression and anxiety got comfortable and my symptoms of it were more of an everyday thing. It's a bit more manageable for now.
Overall, managing physical health symptoms ebbs and flows, it is honestly difficult for me at times to hold on to any hope since this is a lifelong illness. My radical acceptance of that also ebbs and flows if I have truly accepted that fact. The fact that my body's autonomic nervous system is so annoyingly touchy and can basically ruin my day and plans--is why I have feelings of hopelessness, defeat, and frustration. I try to reframe things and to see the positives that come from having a chronic health condition but can't make that happened most of the time. It is insurmountably difficult to life with dysautonomia daily. I don't know how I do it.
If I had to answer how I do it, it is with some patience and support from others, along with some mindfulness, other DBT skills, and a dash of resilience.
This year I was able to check off almost all of my goals for the year. These are my hopes for 2024: my Arizona trip with family going well (in terms of managing my physical health symptoms), finish my internship and second year of grad school out strong, have more social time with friends/family, better management of Dysautonomia, and to just do more things that bring me joy.
Another thing that I have been trying to work on in 2023 is putting myself first. I have to take care of myself first if I can and am able to take care of the ones that I love. I hope my loved ones can do the same for themselves too!
My hope is that everyone is reflecting on their resiliency, hopes, dreams, challenges, and areas of growth for this next year so we can collectively work on bettering ourselves to better this complex world. We are a huge part of what makes up this complex world and us humans have such a hug footprint on how this world continues to spin on. We all need to keep reflecting on that and our egos/selfish tendencies. Growth is needed everywhere and within everyone.
Cheers to growing up a little bit more in this New Year and I hope y'all have a safe, happy and health New Year!
With light and love,
Shelbs
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