In Tune.

I defiantly never remember ever being "in tune" with my body. Even on my good days, now, I don't ever feel like I have full control. I was probably "in tune" when I was younger because I didn't really know or think about young people becoming sick, especially me. Because nothing ever happens to me or my family. Ha. Nope. These days, since my grandpa got sick five years ago, that is when things started falling apart. My life already sort of sucked in other ways, but I just put up with it and it didn't completely destroy me. Now that I look back, yeah my life was fucked up. Ask myself all the time how I have been able to do it and I still can't come up with a reason. But the good news is...I don't know. I am managing?! Trying. I keep trying...I haven't given up?! I think I am too weak to give up, at this point in my life too. And I have people to live for. I would hate myself if I wasn't here to see my brothers grow-up and my friends "happy-ending." Wow, this got real deep. But that's how I feel. I am not in touch and that is why I don't know what my body is telling me. I never know what my body is trying to tell me sometimes.