"What you don't know"

Written on: 15 April 2015

You don’t know how hard it is for me…

               To wake up in the morning

               To take a shower

               To get dressed

               To put my makeup on

               To go to class

               To keep that beautiful smile on my face

I am not depressed

               I am struggling

               With an invisible illness

What is that you ask?

You may not know this but right now,

               My hands are shaking

               My nerves are acting out

               My feet and hands are cramping

               My legs feel like they are going to give out

               My head hurts

               My chest hurts

               My heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest

               I am exhausted

               I can’t concentrate

               I am having shooting pains in my legs and arms

               I feel faint

               I feel dizzy

               I feel weak

               I feel like I am going to collapse

I am having a flare up

And sometimes it feels like it will never go away

No matter how hard I try

No matter how hard I take care of myself

No matter how many times I do what the doctor says

I am feeling like SHIT no matter what

Because if I am not having a flare up I

               Am worried when the next one will happen

               Am scared that I may embarrass myself

               Am hoping people will understand

But I know they won’t unless they have what I have

An INVISIBLE ILLNESS.