The Meaning of Being Diagnosed

In all reality a diagnosis does not change a thing. The only thing it gives you is a name and explanation for what is going on with your body. It also gives you treatment options. When I was diagnosed I felt so relieved because I finally had a name. I could finally tell people what was going on with me. I could give them that name and they would believe me.  I could tell them all of the frustration, pain, anxiety, and symptoms that I was dealing with in my life; without sounding so crazy. I also felt a a huge weight lifted of off my shoulders, it didn't last long. I had it because I didn't feel crazy anymore. The more I learned about what POTS was exactly, I thought back to symptoms and what I didn't know were flare-ups at the time; it all finally seemed to make sense to me. I say it didn't last long because as soon as I learned more about POTS and was recognizing my triggers, symptoms, and hearing horror stories of others experiences with this syndrome; I felt that weight back on my shoulders. Especially with the labyrinth of finding the right treatment for me. It was all so much. Having to explain what exactly POTS is became harder and harder to do. I feel like everyday I learn another symptom, treatment, med, or trigger. Then when both of my cardiologist told me that the medical profession still doesn't exactly know what they are dealing with, was hard to hear. It is still hard to live with everyday even though I have a name and am on some meds. All of this doesn't mean that I will get better. Some may believe that they can grow out of having POTS but I don't see how this can happen with me. But that is ok, because having this has brought me closer to many people in my life; friends, family, and even strangers. I am not sad, I am not angry. I am not saying that there are days when I don't feel that way about my POTS. But overall that is not how I feel at all. I am just being honest with myself for once. Sometimes I trick myself into lying and doing things that my body can no longer take. I realize that, and so I need to be honest with myself before I am to others. The reason I don't believe that MY POTS won't get better is because I never went into a major deconditioning process after I was diagnosed. I couldn't because if I had done that, I knew deep down that I wouldn't be able to get myself back up. And if you know me, I am but not always have been eager to learn and to live life to my fullest. That is why I try not to let this get the best of me. That is why I am saying this is just a diagnosis. My POTS affected me almost four years before I got a name for it.